EGRETION: March 2023

An update on a major creative construction project I've been working on since December 2017, when I got hit by a car for the second time while riding my bicycle.

Through diligent attention to many details of my health, and lots of hard work, I am incredibly proud to have made a full recovery! Having regained all my physical strength and mobility, and especially able to enjoy running again, the screws were backing out of my bones, protruding up from under my skin. So, in October of 2022 I had them removed, and now I am completely pain-free with greater range of motion in my ankle.

Having grown up with a parent addicted to opioid painkillers, I was terrified of using them throughout this many year's experience. I would like to say:

Yes, it is very painful to live through and recover from orthopedic trauma and invasive surgeries. However, the ongoing pain and suffering caused by opiates and their powerfully addictive consequences, not just for the patient but for everyone in their life, is far more unbearable than any physical discomfort could ever be. Mind over matter is possible. IMHO the character development that can come from living through, managing, and overcoming chronic pain is a far better option than throwing away the potential for you to discover the power of your own body's healing abilities by papering over it with drugs. Is it not the case that all medications are only tested against what we call the placebo effect , which is really our own ability to heal, recover and find natural balance?

For those who suffer from chronic pain, I'm not suggesting there is shame in medicating through it. I'm only saying that all of our choices have consequences. When it comes to our health and our interaction with modern medicine we must have as much agency as possible. In my experience, the horror and trauma of dealing with the abuse of a drug addicted family member is not worth the relief from personal physical pain.

Speaking specifically about character development, I am a big fan of the five factor model of personality, which I remember through the acronym CANOE or OCEAN: Openness to Experience, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism. The trait I most closely associate with the character development I am refer to here is Conscientiousness. Here are a few of my thoughts, not informed by any formal study, just personal observation and layperson curiosity about how modern social science describes psychodynamics.

Firstly, it is the easiest trait to fake, and whether you want to seem less creepy, live to 100, or kick a drug habit, the expression "fake it till you make it" goes a long way. It takes time to build up good habits, just as it does with physical abilities and tolerances, so making a conscious effort to be conscientious is a reasonable effort in the short term. It basically comes down to short term impulse control, which has a knock-on effect of helping curb neuroticism. Who doesn't want to feel LESS neurotic?!

Secondly, being conscientious has a two fold benefit in that it makes one seem more trustworthy to others. There are obvious benefits that come from being viewed by others as safe and reliable, regardless of if someone is faking it or not. It might seem that agreeableness would be more closely associated with being seen by others as a good company, a lovely trait to have naturally. But, it's much harder to fake if it doesn't because body language and facial tells come MORE naturally, and worst yet, being too agreeable makes a person prone to being taken advantage of. Being someone who is not easily fooled because they are aware and alert, through their efforts to be conscientious, while also attracting the benefits of being prosocial, helps develop a sense of personal security and confidence. Again, this helps decrease neuroticism, and who doesn't want to feel LESS neurotic?

Thirdly, and this is based on research, if someone is trying to abstain from drug use the number one strongest determining trait that predicts a positive outcome is conscientiousness. This trait also helps give someone the willingness to work hard to achieve their therapeutic goals, be they mental, emotion or physical. Circling back to neuroticism, this trait has the lowest association with favorable outcomes for treatments because of the resistance to making necessary changes, and the lack of impulse control that characterizes drug use. I personally believe that drug use and addiction is a person's attempt to regulate the nervous system. But they are attempts that are doomed to fail in the long run, only leaving a trail of wreckage and destruction behind them.

Dr. Grande & his YouTube channel is a personal favorite of mine. He posts a lot of true crime content these days, but his earlier videos really delved more into psychology study and research. His delivery is VERY dry, but when it comes to information delivery, and humor for that matter, it's a style I prefer.

Here's a video about Conscientiousness.

Here's a video about Extroversion.

Here's a video about Openess to Experience.

Here's a video about Agreeableness.

Here's a video about Neuroticism.